Over Thanksgiving break many of our students here at Coronado found themselves in less than comfortable conversations with certain members of their family. Whether you have a grandparent who is stuck in their ways, as racist and sexist as they may be, or an overt political uncle, chances are they feel the need to be rather outspoken about their opinions. With the holidays quickly approaching, the anxiety for some about the upcoming family dinners and gatherings is growing. Some of these topics can cause uncomfortable disagreements between families. This season avoid some possible discomfort, air on the side of caution, and at all costs avoid any of the following topics:

Politics

With the recent election, tensions are still running high. Combine that with the outspoken and possibly vulgar nature of some and you’ll be headed towards a family feud that’s anything but fun.

Instead try shifting the topic to how happy you are to spend time as a family. Remind them politely how precious time together is and that you would much rather focus on family than the last election.

Racism

Unfortunately many of us at Coronado suffer from racist grandpa syndrome, a condition where one of your relatives (typically born before the Civil Rights Movement), is either subtly or knowingly racist. If one of your family members seems to be a chronic sufferer of this disease, remember to avoid some of the more controversial current events; as passionate as you may be, family gatherings may not be the time to discuss them.

Religion

No matter how strongly you feel about religion, this is typically a surefire way to start a heated arguement. Even if you don’t agree with it, remember to respect other’s beliefs, especially at the dinner table with your family.

Money

Money issues, one of the leading causes of divorce, has no place at an intimate family gathering. Remember money can’t buy happiness, but you can make your own happiness together as a family.

Family Drama and Gossip

Gossip and drama are hurtful and can ruin any family gathering. You can curb some of this negativity by focusing on the positives of your family members, and changing the subject away from any negative gossip or drama.

“What are you doing with your life” Questions

Where are you going to college? When are you getting a job? For teenagers and young adults, these questions, which are typically followed with personal slightly hurtful opinions, seem almost never ending; to ease the pressure, be assertive and decisive about your decisions, and then change the subject. Remember it is okay to not know what you are doing with your life, you are still young.

Questions about Relationships (Or the Lack Thereof)

Sometimes family can be a little too intrusive when it comes to the love life of the other members. The safest approach when it comes to asking about relationships with your family members is don’t.

Questions to Avoid Like the Plague:

Are you pregnant?/Have you gained weight?

How do you feel about the election?

When are you going to give me grandchildren?

Why aren’t you married?

On the more positive side of the spectrum, here are some ideas for when you need to change the topic and keep the conversation in the right direction:

Fond Memories With Your Family

One key way to steer the conversation in the right direction is bring up some of your favorite family memories. Maybe there was a special moment between you and your parents, or a funny story that always brings a smile to everyone’s faces.

Childhood Stories

Although one of the negatives that come with elderly relatives is that they sometimes seem stuck in the past, you can use this to your advantage. When the conversations starts heading in a rather uncomfortable direction, bring up your favorite childhood memory and encourage others to do the same.

And as always, you can never go wrong with a few compliments! When it comes to family gatherings, you know best the subjects to avoid, and the best subjects to focus on. Just remember to keep positive and stay kind, and that even the most uncomfortable and tense family dinners and holidays will come to an end.