What to do and what not to do when you’re unsure about pronouns.

Pronoun etiquette is finding a respectful way to ask people what their preferred pronouns are without assuming. Here are some things you can do to avoid being rude or offensive.

Don’t assume people’s pronouns even if you think you know. It really isn’t that hard to ask someone nicely what their pronouns are even if you’ve met them before. There are many ways to ask this question. For Example:

• “If you don’t mind me asking, what pronouns do you prefer?”
• “Hello, my name is ______ and my pronouns are (she/he/they/etc.), how about you?”
• “Is there anything, like preferred pronouns, that you’d like me to know about you?”

A lot of the times people will respond respectfully as long as you’re not being rude. However, if someone gets upset with you for asking just keep calm and walk away.

If you don’t quite understand or are not entirely educated on the pronoun situation; do research. There are plenty of websites you can look up to get a good understanding of what other people are feeling. Here are some helpful websites to look at:

• http://commonground.richmond.edu/common/pdfs/trans-etiquette.pdf
• https://lgbt.wisc.edu/documents/LGBTCC-Gender_pronoun_guide.pdf

However, asking isn’t always absolutely necessary. If you’re at a restaurant, for example, and don’t feel the need to stop and ask your server their pronouns, usual ‘go-to’ pronouns are they/them if you’re unsure. Though, many people prefer they/them pronouns already, this mainly works for people you don’t really need to get to know unlike a coworker or a peer of yours. If you can, or feel the need to, it’s still always okay to ask. You might even make someone’s day.

Keep in mind the pronouns change and it may be difficult to remember at first but the best thing to do is practice! Show respect and do your best to keep yourself and others well educated.